Gallery: British Monarchy Through the Ages: The Good, Bad and the Hemophiliacs

King Athelstan. The Anglo-Saxon period. Until 10th century, the British Isles were mini-kingdoms and tribes. Athelstan was first king to get the allegiance of most of the people, so king of the English – but not the whole territory (See King Edgar).

King Edmund 1. Conquered kingdom of Strathclyde. First king to support monastic reform in England.

King Edgar. First true King of England as a territory. Arguably England’s greatest king. Scottish and Welsh testifying to his authority over all Britain. Revived the monastic way of life.

Cnut (Canute). King of Denmark and England. Famous legal and military reformer, and from his English throne controlled an empire from Scandinavia to Biscay.

Duncan 1 King of the Scots. As king of Strathclyde united it with Scotia – hence Scotland. Killed by Macbeth. Yes, that Macbeth.

Macbeth king of the Scots. Killed Duncan 1 and his father Crinan, and then himself killed by Duncan’s son Malcolm Canmore. A strong Believer, Macbeth made pilgrimage to Rome. Not quite Shakespeare.

Edward the Confessor. Began the building of Westminster Abbey in which many English/British monarchs are married and crowned, and was once patron saint of the English. Lived in exile in Normandy and married Edith, daughter of Earl Godwine, thus setting the pace for the contenders to the throne. A pious man and an albino.

Harold II. The last Saxon king of England. The son of a ruthless, scheming family of Wessex earls. One was banished for raping a Mother Superior. Harold killed his half-brother at the Battle of Stamford Bridge before marching south to Senlac Hill near Hasting where he himself was slain by the invading Norman knights led by Duke William. Nun-raping is no longer in vogue.

William I The Conqueror. Invaded England because he believed he had been promised the throne. The last successful invader of the British Isles, he changed Saxon England to Norman England but remember, the Normans weren’t French. Their origins were Norse. Many common names in English come from the 11th century Norman French of William. ie, Parliament, beef.

Henry II. The first Angevin king of England. A memorable legal reformer. Invented the jury system. Established détente with Scottish, Welsh and Irish rebellious princes. Wittingly or otherwise, ordered death of archbishop Thomas Becket. Died after battle in France against his sons.

Richard I Lionheart. Spent most of his reign on Crusades battling with Saladin. Died in war against France. He was absent from the throne for so long that the barons gathered strength and so the first seeds of political parties in Britain were sown.

Edward II, the first English Prince of Wales. Infatuated with Piers Gaveston he started the English Civil War in 1312. Gaveston was executed by the barons. Edward found a new lover, Hugh Despenser. In 1327, the king was probably murdered by inserting hot pokers through his rectum.

Edward III. Re-established the authority of the monarchy, founded the Most Noble Order of the Garter, and spent much of his reign at war with Scotland and France, thus leading England into the Hundred Years War with the latter and claiming the title, King of France. In 1348, the Black Death reached England and eventually killed one-third of the population, which was bad.

Henry VIII. Not good with money. Had six wives (of his own). Broke from Catholic Rome to form the Church of England. Destined to be an Archbishop had his elder brother not died. First King of England and Ireland. Inspired the Herman's Hermits hit in 1965.

Elizabeth I. The Virgin Queen because she never married. Re-established Protestantism. Executed Mary Queen of Scots. Invested in slave ships from West Africa to Caribbean and United States. She signed articles of the English East India Company and so the beginnings of the English Empire

James 1 (also, James VI king of the Scots) the first Stuart English king and instigator of the King James Authorised Version of the Bible. Sponsored founding of Jamestown in 1607. Persecution of nonconformist worshippers prompted the sailing of the Pilgrim Fathers in 1620.

Charles II. Monarchy restored by common consent that republic does not work. Charles introduced atmosphere of frivolity, especially with his orange-selling mistress, Nell Gwyn. Restoration Comedy in British theatre was established. Charles reigned longer than expected and on his deathbed apologized for “taking such an unconscionable time to die.”

George III. American War of Independence. French Revolution and Irish Rebellion. Said by some to have been insane, more likely the effects of porphyria. Prevented Catholic Emancipation in Great Britain. His supreme general, Wellington defeated Napoleon.

Victoria, queen at 18. The first British empress. Her prime minister, Disraeli bought a controlling interest in the Suez Canal in her name. Presiding over the repressive Victorian era, the Queen was rumored to have been disturbed by curvy, exposed piano legs.

Edward VIII. Remembered entirely for his abdication shortly before his coronation because he wished to marry an American divorcee, Wallis Simpson. Edward and Wallis were forced to flee the country and were never invited back to Buckingham Palace.

George VI. Served in Royal Navy in WWI at Battle of Jutland and later in Royal Air Force. As Duke of York had not expected to be king, but was crowned following the abdication of his brother Edward VIII. Suffered speech impediment as illustrated in recent feature film. The British Empire at its height covered a quarter of the globe. The empire began to disappear in George’s reign most spectacularly with India’s independence in 1947 when it was partitioned into two countries: India and Pakistan.

Elizabeth II, England’s 52nd monarch and longest-lived, although she will not have reigned as long as Queen Victoria until 2015. She began her reign when Britain was still an empire and presided over its disappearance other than a few Crown Colonies such as Gibraltar. 54 of the former colonies are members of the Commonwealth, presided over by the Queen.